Seattle adventures, life, home, and coffee—in no particular order
Jasper is Mr. Pouty Pants today. His royal highness hurt his paws this weekend, and he’s working on destroying his fourth bandage in two days. Because he’s staring at me in that pained, condescending way only he can pull off while still maintaining a firm grasp on my heartstrings, today’s post is all about my baby dog. There, Stinky, are you happy now?!?
Without further ado, the profile of a [cat] killer:
Name: Jasper “the Wonder Dog” Chacharon
Birthday: October something 2005
Age: 4 ½ going on 2
Nicknames: Stinky, Mr. Stinky, Jazz-dog, Jazzman, Christian Bale, Mama’s little angel
Nickname backstories: Stinky (This one speaks for itself. Not only is he your typical smelly dog, he’s also the world’s deadliest farting machine. Whew!); Jazzman (Apparently I mumble because multiple people have thought his name is Jasmine. Which has evolved into the much studlier Jazzman, or if you’re Auntie Doodle, Jazz-dog); Christian Bale (Uncle Sean coined this one, mostly because Jasper is handsome as hell, but mildly abusive to his loved ones); Mama’s little angel (This one can only be followed by, ‘Mooommmmm, you’re embarrassing me!’ In dogspeak, of course.)
Favorite edibles: Mom’s shoes and spectacles, bed sheets, bacon, bacon-flavored anything, ribs, cats
Favorite holiday(s): Every weekend is a holiday! We get to sleep in, go on long walks, and play for hours in the back yard. In the summer, we get to go camping and exploring. I love weekends!
Favorite activities: Chasing tennis balls, chewing tennis balls, staring longingly at tennis balls that have rolled under the deck, running through beautiful flower beds to recover misplaced tennis balls, chasing cats, chewing cats, staring longingly at cats that are just out of reach, going on family walks, chasing my tail, running crazed laps in the back yard, farting, going to the dog park, snowshoeing, surveying the street from the off-limits leather sofa, SNUGGLING!
Least-favorite activities: Puking in the backseat of mom’s car, being subject to loud noises (such as motorcycles, lawnmowers, shotguns, vacuums, etc.), forced socialization with little sissy dogs, getting squirted with the spray bottle after barking at innocent puppies, having my morning/afternoon/evening naps interrupted
Favorite person in the whole wide world: Duh, my mama. My daddy’s pretty cool too
Favorite animal in the whole wide world: My buddy, Guts. He likes to play and wrestle even more than I do. He also gives a mean blow-J
My most horrible secret: This one time, I killed the neighbor’s cat. It was two weeks after we moved into the new house. Its name was Marmalade. Turns out the cat belonged to the neighbor’s son with down-syndrome. It’s NATURE! For some reason, my mom was really, really, really mad
Pet peeves: Garbage men, personal hygiene, parental intimacy, lack of access to people food
Strengths: Seducing dog skeptics with my smoldering gaze, snuggling